The Carnivore Project

We gone done moved.

2006-09-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

The new Carnivore Project (updated with frightening regularity) is now up on:

http://www.thecarnivoreproject.com

Change your links, bookmarks, favorites, tribute sites and bootleg t-shirts accordingly.

Check out updates on: The Carnivore Project (or here)

Species: Cat out of a Bag

2006-09-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

A huge thank-you to all the kind people who commented on the previous post - the suggestions on how to improve the site have all been really helpful. And just knowing that there are readers - and they're pretty keen on this - is a seriously warm and fuzzy feeling.

I've been a silent stakeholder in Paul Colman's Letsseewhathappens blog - in which people make resolutions and Go Out and Do Them. I finally updated the outside world on my progress - most of which is directly applicable to the future of the Carnivore Project:

1) I Want To Eat a Different Species Every Week.

Why not? It's a great way to get some new content for the site, and I'm finally on the path of 'grilling the world' like I've always claimed to be. I'll still write about (and eat) cows, pigs and the like, but, for a Carnivore, why haven't I written about Eel? Grouse? Grasshopper?

2) I Want to Improve the Internet

Starting here, of course. I'm transferring over some of the old work to the new, glamorous Typepad account (oooooh aaaaaaah), and the latest round of illustrations from Sean 'Badasshamster' Riley look awesome. There will be less fudging, more content.The site is still being futzed with, but you can have a mosey if you like. It should go 'live' soon - and I'll swap over the www.thecarnivoreproject.com URL and other bits then.

Where's the Beef?

2006-09-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the radio silence lately, I blame the creepy outside world, and vow never to try it again.

Actually, on a marginally serious note, I've done a lot of thinking about the Carnivore Project over the past few weeks. In the sort of time-honored, self-reflective style worthy of a Paul Colman, here's where I am:

Things I'm Happy About:

1. When I go out and do something.

2. When I create something new.

3. Sponsorship advertising. Seriously. Buying space on Alien Loves Predator has brought in a host of sticky new traffic. I like to think that this site could appeal to the hungry, web-comic demographic, and have picked out a couple more places to put Carnivore Project ad placements. Plus, it makes me happy to give webcomics my money. They're good people.

4. Traffic. Between Google and AvP, I'm doing ok. My tracking is crap, but it looks like the number of quality visitors has increased as well - more people that like meat and less people dropping in from a Malaysian 'Next Blog' button.

Things I'm Unhappy About:

1. The frequency of using news clippings as posts. Those aren't content. I'm not adding anything new into the world. I'm not doing anything that a Yahoo or Technorati news alert wouldn't do for you. I'm thinking of adding a 'The Week in Meat...' feature, perhaps a news review on Friday.

2. The design. I'm not a very good designer, and I've yet to even pick a consistant graphical style for the images. If I even remember to post them. It's an ugly site. However, I hope this'll change soon... (How's that for foreshadowing?)

3. Blogger. I've refreshed my mad markup skillz at HTML (it's even back on my cv for the first time in four years), and probably have finessed more Blogger hacks than God Himself. However, in this case, 'free' means 'I got what I paid for'. I'd like proper 'Recent Comments', and I really envy working 'Categories' and 'Tags'. I'm moving.

4. No rigor. None. I've relied on 'Special Alerts' to make up for the fact that I've done less than a half-dozen Sauces and Sides columns. That's pulling in articles as a crutch for content. And frankly, those Sauces and Sides columns are some of the posts of which I am the most proud. I need a committed system of category posting.

5. Class participation. I'm really enjoying the hard-core few. But for every comment, I get fifty visitors who don't say a thing. That's frustrating.

Things I Still Haven't Made Up My Mind About:

1. The Contest. It was an ambitious idea, and I loved the interactivity it created. But the actual game was pretty difficult, and, as of writing this, I think I'm still winning...

2. Restaurant reviews. I'm not sure I'm qualified to do this with nice restaurants. I eat at nice places a lot, but I've got the palate sensitivity of a pair of safety scissors.

3. Courier. Is this really the best font? (See 'Design, Unhappiness thereof' above).

So, what do people think? As I hinted above, a new redesign is coming. But that only helps for graphics and t-shirt sales.

Should I switch to Typepad? Vox? A Friendster Blog!?

What meat-related needs am I failing to fulfill?

What makes you want to chime in? What doesn't?

Help?

Field Experience: Mulligan's

2006-08-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

This clipping was just sent to me by a friend in the State Department:

Wacky Food of the Week

Reader Lysa Whitt points out this delight served at Mulligan's, an Atlanta tavern: "A hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun, topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries." The tavern also offers a double cheeseburger served between two Krispy Kreme donuts. Apparently, Mulligans does not want its patrons to survive for return visits.

Carnivore Hero: Buddha

2006-08-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

Stunning article at (randomly) BellaOnline, by (even more randomly) their in-house 'Buddhism editor'.

It's largely a plea to stop the insensitive bashing of meat-eaters (to be honest: we don't notice), but does conclude with this thought:

Meat is a food as are fruits and vegetables. We need food to sustain our bodies so that we can practice. It doesn’t really matter if we are strict vegans or if we eat meat, something will die or suffer in order for us to obtain nourishment. It may not be as obvious since you don’t see the bugs
and insects that are killed in the harvesting of the produce but it happens.

There is no way for us to stay alive without other beings dying. It’s a sad fact of life here in samsara. All I can do is work on myself and when I am faced with a situation that could cause harm to a living being, be it an animal, insect or person, all I can do is try not to cause them any harm.

Sauces and Sides: The Art of the Marinade

2006-08-24T01:39:00.000-07:00

Despite the pedestrian title, there are some good marinade recipes in this article from the El Paso Times.

The highlights, if you're not up to reading through their sunny prose:

For sirloin beef tips, chicken or shrimp: tomatillos, chile de árbol, garlic, shrimp broth, green onions, beer, lemon juice, soy sauce, salt and pepper.
For sirloin or flank steaks: garlic, olive oil, dry red wine, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, black pepper and lemon juice.
For chicken: Dijon mustard, honey, minced roasted garlic, olive oil, pepper and white vinegar.

And a couple worthwhile , general marinading tips:

Don't use complex marinades on nice meat. You want to taste the steak. So for the nicest cuts, keep it simple - possibly just salt and pepper.
Take your time. Marinade overnight.

The Contest: Update

2006-08-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

There's a terrific article in today's Guardian (now available online) about the glut of hugoginormous burgers in American fast food chains.

Although, per usual, the Guardian salivates unnaturally over the opportunity to pain all Americans as fatty-fatty-fat-heads, but it's still an enjoyable piece of insight into global fast food trends. Phrases like 'veto vote' and 'unit bias' should be part of our daily dining vocabulary from now on. (Also worth remembering: 'Slacker Quad', 'Meat'normous' and 'Monster Thickburger')

Alas, the pursuit of excellence has lead me to ban all of these products from our ongoing Contest.
One other Contest update:

- The badges arrived from CafePress. They're absolutely terrible. Don't buy any. I'll still send them out to people that complete the challenge (if they wish), but honestly, yargh. I'll come up with an alternate prize for the also-rans...

So, how are people doing? I had a launch lunch at Bubba's with one dedicated contender, but have otherwise heard very little on the meat-guzzling front.

Carnivore Hero: Governor Edward Rendell

2006-08-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

Gov. Rendell [PA] has long been the leading champion of Philly's favorite sandwich. His love affair with cheesesteak, cold cuts, or anything else that comes from an animal is the stuff of legend and the source of endless good-natured, um, ribbing.

But hold onto your hoagies: Rendell is honored in the September issue of Vegetarian Times.

The publication, which bills itself as a "great food, good health and smart living magazine," bestowed upon Rendell one of its monthly "carrot"
awards for his pledge to end the scourge of "puppy mills" in Pennsylvania.

News of the award amused his staff to no end.

"Gov. Rendell is the biggest carnivore east of the Mississippi," said his spokeswoman, Kate Philips.

Kate Jacoby, owner of Horizons, a vegetarian restaurant in Center City, said she hoped the award would inspire Rendell to speak out against foie gras and veal.

Either way, she said she'd be happy to make him a vegan cheesesteak.

- Amy Worden - Philadelphia Inquirer

Species: Meat on the Wall

2006-08-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

The vastly unappreciated art of taxidermy seems to be making a comeback. Wouldn't it be great if they did that for meals?

I'm not sure how that would work logistically - I'd like a giant burger stuffed and mounted on the wall, but then, I'd also like to eat it. And I certainly don't want it mounted after I'd eaten it... Hmmm.

(lead from London Metblogs)

Special Alert: The Hungry Man's Manual

2006-08-21T02:23:00.000-07:00

Interesting article from the Boston Pheonix about hunting for meat in a health-conscious city. It includes lots of tips on meat-buying from local chefs and butchers.

I love the introduction:

We may scream for ice cream and go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, but we beat our breasts for meat, the source of perhaps our most primitive cravings. That goes double for you guys — hard-wired (and hard-bodied) as you are to relish the hunt, to harbor a bloodlust for your prey (which might otherwise become predator).

Later, they make the very strong case for varying your meat preference. That is, the two key attributes are often 'tenderness' and 'flavor'. Which, in many cases, are incompatible, as the marbling that leads to flavor, makes the meat a tougher chew. The article encourages people to try all sorts of meat, a sentiment that I can honestly endorse.

The Contest: Ready... Set...

2006-08-18T01:21:00.000-07:00

'Bring 'em on!'

8 burgers in 8 postcodes. Starts today at noon.

To each and every one of you - good luck, and may God have mercy on your colon.

The Contest

The Fine Print

The Closest Medical Help

Species: Meat Cereals

2006-08-17T05:28:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the sporadic posting this week, I hope everyone is busy gearing up for the Contest. Planning itineraries, booking tables, clearing shelf space for the trophy,...

Even whilst otherwise occupied, meat is always on my mind. I spotted the following, on xkcd.com, which I thought I'd poach for your enlightenment:

Carnivore Hero: This Dog

2006-08-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

The Contest: The Fine Print

2006-08-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

The fine print:

Contest starts at noon, Friday, 18 August and will run until midnight, Monday, 4 September.
Contestants will be judged on a combination of two, equally-weighted, variables: Speed and Creativity.
In Speed, the contestants will be ranked in the order by which they send me proof (see below) that they've finished all eight burgers.
And in Creativity, the contestants will be ranked by the style, effort and flair with which they complete the eight burgers. For example, did each burger have a unique combination of toppings? Or perhaps eight different degrees of rarity?
In the case of a tie, the ultimate decision will be made by my mother, who is qualified by being 3,600 miles away, kind-hearted and a KCBS BBQ Judge in good standing.
Photographs are mandatory as evidence of hamburger consumption (before and after pics, preferably), but further proof could go a long way towards establishing Creativity (e.g. waitress testimonials, etc). Photos taken by mobile phones are fine - this is a challenge of your culinary fortitude, not your artistic prowess.
Postcodes are greater London postcodes. All eight are: E, N, NW, W, SW, SE, EC and WC. Hamburgers count against the postcode in which they were purchased (e.g. a W2 burger transported to EC1 is still a W burger).
The following places do not sell hamburgers: McDonald's, Burger King, any other American chain (up to and including T.G.I. Friday's), any restaurant predominantly selling fried chicken or pizza or any member of the J.D. Wetherspoon's group. Further establishments may be eliminated at my discretion.
Also, you can't use the same restaurant twice (e.g. Bodean's in Soho or Bodean's in Clapham, not both).
Finally, you can count one home-cooked hamburger, but you must provide the recipe (for posting, and general criticism and/or awe).

The Contest: Bonus Burger Recipe

2006-08-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

After some arm-twisting, here's the recipe for the burgers that the lady and I whipped up a week ago:

1.5 kilos of steak mince (Two schools of thought on burgers: Use the best meat possible, e.g. steak mince, or the worst, as the fat just burns off and adds flavor. I oscillate back and forth between camps, personally).

One onion (diced)

About four capfuls of bourbon (I use Seagram's 7 Crown. Jim Beam is quite good. Jack Daniels has too distinct of a flavor. Woodford Reserve is too good - it burns off and doesn't leave any flavor)

Two cloves of garlic (pressed, not minced)

Salt

Pepper

Parsley (Dried. Crinkle it between your fingers. Honestly? This adds nothing but visual texture)
Worcestershire sauce (a few shakes - a half-bottle if you let Zeev do it...)

Squidge it all up together, then crack in two eggs. Then squidge again - kneading raw egg is actually quite therapeutic, enjoy the texture.

Roll into about a dozen balls and let chill in the fridge (covered, unless you like horrific diseases).

Makes twelve burgers.

On Friday, we broiled them in the oven, and then slapped them on a grill for just long enough to add charcoal streaks. This is known in the competitive BBQ world as 'Cheating'. We were in a hurry. You should really go straight to the grill.

Resist the urge to turn, tease and flip them more than necessary. That satisfying sizzling sound is all the flavor running out...

As to The Contest, one of your eight burgers can be home-made. But only if you provide me the recipe for public posting. So experiment, and let me know how it turns out.

Species: McBurger

2006-08-11T01:05:00.000-07:00

McDonalds has launched a new McDefense of their burgers in the UK.

After their eyebrow-raising '100% beef' campaign, they've now created the website www.makeupyourownmind.co.uk. Implying, naturally, that all the doubts about squirrel patties and employee hygiene were completely the result of peer pressure. Damn crazy teens. First with the whacky weed, now with the gratuitious slander of global corporations.
The 'Your Questions Answered' section is particular incisive. Apparently some people do like gherkins, nothing is halal, the staff wash their hands a lot (but don't spit in the food), and they're whole-heartedly 'investigating' the recent Greenpeace allegations about contributing to rainforest destruction.

You'll be happy to know that I've applied to become a McDonalds Quality Scout. Although giving my primary reason as 'hating to see corporations unfairly slandered by a close-minded majority' might come across as glib.

In relation to The Contest: McDonalds does not serve hamburgers.

Field Experience: Lucky 7 [W2]

2006-08-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

For those gearing up for the contest, I thought it'd be a good idea to spend the next week talking about burgers.

Normally, I'm the last person you'd find in West London. Actually, second-to-last, as my friend Simon would sooner swallow hot nails than go past Marble Arch. So when Simon suggested a burger out in Westbourne Park, I was fascinated. Was the food actually that good? Or had Simon been kidnapped, and replaced by an alien pod person?

Fortunately (unless you've got a thing for pod people), the burger was really that good. Lucky 7 might serve some of the best meat-on-a-bun in the London area (or at least the Western suburbs thereof). While Simon dug into the conventional cheeseburger, I plowed through one slathered with green chillis, which was fiery, juicy and utterly delicious (tip - don't taste the green chillis on their own. Ow.)

The fries and onion rings had the proper amount of greasy sheen, and the onion rings went down with a very satisfying crunch.

The decor nailed diner chic - there's only a few huge pleather boothes, so you scrunch in with strangers (that's permissible in an ostensibly American environment). The menu hung over the counter on one of those traditional black boards with the movable white lettering - my only regret is that they didn't have letters missing, as is often the case in 'real' diners...

Lucky 7
127 Westbourne Park Road
W2 5QL
020 7727 6771
Map

The Contest

2006-08-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore Project has now broken the hundred-post milestone, thanks to the encouragement of readers like you. Yes, you. (Unless you came by clicking the Blogspot 'next blog' option. In which case, tracking tells me that you're fairly worthless.)

Happily, this small milestone has arrived at the same time as getting my hands on one of the following: This charming little fellow is a limited edition action figure - the Omnivorous P.I.G. - from Palisades' 'Crittaz' line. It's already come and gone from stores, and cool carnivores like you should be dying to get your hot little hands on one.

And, this, of course, is your chance.

I'm giving away the Omnivorous P.I.G. to the first person to eat eight burgers in all eight London postcodes. And, just because I'm a swell guy, I'll be giving away the foxy new 'Grill the World' badges to everyone that completes the challenge.

The contest will start on Friday, August 18th. I'll keep you posted...

Sauces and Sides: Spider-Bourbon

2006-08-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Bizarrely, my previous comparison of bourbon to Spider-man seems to have some semblance of legitimacy.

Apparently the only brand to make an appearance in Spider-man 2 is Sam Raimi's favorite tipple - Maker's Mark bourbon.

Dr Pepper has renewed its 2002 Spider-Man tie-in with Spider-Man 2, which originally called for product placement in the movie. The only brand seen in the actual film, however, is Maker's Mark bourbon, a favorite of the movie's director—no fees were paid to Sony. Though Dr Pepper will not be seen on the big screen, its manufacturer, Cadbury Schweppes, has embarked on a multi-million dollar ad effort. (Promotions Magazine)

Species: Grilled Pizza

2006-08-08T01:54:00.000-07:00

From the South Bend Tribune:

For the main course, nothing could be finer than the famous grilled pizza recipe invented at Al Forno Restaurant in Providence, R.I.

Owners Johanne Killeen and George Germon struggled for weeks to perfect the 8-minute technique in 1980 in the mistaken belief that pizzas were cooked this way in Italy. By the time they discovered that Italians use wood-burning ovens, their signature dish had attracted a huge following that endures to this day.

Al Forno's executive chef Brian Kingsford warns that you can't grill a great pizza on a gas grill, which can't heat higher than 550 F. He advises hardwood or charcoal fired to its maximum heat of 1,200 F.

"The secret of success is low moisture -- if the crust doesn't crisp quickly enough, the pizza will be soggy," he says. The Al Forno chef uses hardwood briquettes that have a moisture content of only 3 percent, and Italian fontina cheese, which has a lower moisture content than mozzarella.

The recipe is available here.

Species: Meatcake

2006-08-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

No, not a normal birthday cake with a badly-drawn t-bone on top, actually a massive three-layered meatloaf, with mashed potato frosting and ketchup glaze.

The recipe is a hoot, well worth reading...

(Thanks, Rob)

Species: Seal Spaghetti

2006-08-07T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dinner is served (carefully) to zoo's polar bears
By JAN UEBELHERR (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
Polar bears may seem fluffy and cuddly to some, but they are in fact beasts of the first order. The World Wildlife Federation describes them as "the largest terrestrial carnivore."

And so, even though they may carry innocent-sounding names such as Zero and Snow Lilly, it takes thought and planning to move them from point A to point B in their exhibit at the Milwaukee County Zoo. It's a delicate dance, and Dawn Fleuchaus, area supervisor of North America and Australia at the zoo, does it daily.

"They don't really have fear of humans," she explains. "They more see
people as a food source."

To clarify: That means you look like dinner, not that you'll bring dinner.

In the wild, where their diet consists mainly of seals and the occasional carcass or stranded whale, they are adept at getting to their dinner. They can smell a seal right through a foot of ice and will punch a hole through the ice to yank it up "like a strand of spaghetti," Fleuchaus says.

At the zoo, they are just as committed to eating, but must go through proper channels - all executed by Fleuchaus and a helper (today its keeper Earl Conteh-Morgan.)

Each bear feasts on the following once a day: 2½ gallons of polar bear pellets, one pound of lard (to replace blubber they'd get from seals), 5 pounds of a bloody meat mix called "Carnivore Diet" and a couple of pounds of fish (squid, herring, capelin). Vitamin A capsules are embedded in the
lard, molded into balls that resemble snowballs - their favorite to eat,
Fleuchaus says.

Sauces and Sides: Meat

2006-08-03T04:09:00.000-07:00

An excellent article from America's Finest News Source:

Report: Meat Now America's No. 2 Condiment

August 2, 2006 Issue 42•31

CHICAGO — Though once defined as just a stand-alone meal, meat has
risen quickly up the ranks to become the nation's second most popular condiment, according to a study released by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

"In the past several years, meat's use as a way to enhance the flavor of foods has increased exponentially," said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns. "Ketchup is still number one, but at the rate people are putting meat on top of other meats and foods, it may very well surpass it by 2010."

(the full article is an absolute must)

Species: Carcass Patties

2006-07-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

"For over half a century, pet food manufacturers have claimed that because grain-based, heat processed pet foods are "nutritionally complete and balanced", they are superior to anything companion pets might otherwise consume. People have become so familiar with this statement that they seldom question it. But today, savvy pet owners are choosing a different approach, successfully feeding their dogs and cats what Mother Nature has been serving up for eons." - The Urban Carnivore
Carcass patties!

Accessories and Inedibles: Pimm's (?)

2006-07-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

As a beer-swilling Midwesterner, I was a little baffled to find that the official drink of the British summer had a damn cucumber slice floating in it. Must this country make everything unnecessarily posh?

But, it's hard not to love Pimm's, or, at the very least, to turn down a well-prepared glass.

Over at Becks & Nosh, there's a nice post describing how to make the perfect glass, and, in this brutal weather, it makes me salivate slightly...

I am, however, stumped as to the perfect meat connection. It's too sweet and fruity to go with a hamburger or a sausage. And Pimm's n' Ribs is just wrong.

If I had to make a stab at it, I'd think the fizziness and the lightness would help wash down chicken wings, and cleanse the palate between various sauces. The ginger to your wing sushi.

Anyone else have ideas?

Special Alert: No way to treat an herbivore...

2006-07-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

LONDON (AP)-- Jockey Paul O'Neill apologized Tuesday for head-butting his horse at a race last weekend.

"I would just like to say to the public that I'm very sorry they had to
see such a thing," O'Neill said in a statement. "I've never done it before and it will never happen again."

City Affair was being unruly in the parade ring, ultimately throwing O'Neill. The jockey got to his feet and grabbed the reins, pulling the horse to him, before lowering the butt of his helmet into it.

"Angry jockey does a 'Zidane' to his horse," read the headline of London's Evening Standard, referring to French soccer star Zinedine Zidane's infamous head-butt in the World Cup final.

Seriously people, don't play with your food.

A few fun-facts about horsies (all from the USDA):

Horse is red meat.
A 100-gram serving of horse (about a quarter-pound horseburger) contains only 175 calories and 6 grams of fat. Also, 28 grams protein, 5 milligrams iron and 68 milligrams cholesterol.
Don't eat your eat your horse rare. Horsemeat should be cooked until the juices run clear, and to a minimum of medium rare (145-degrees, or 160, preferably).

Carnivore Hero: Harry Oliveri

2006-07-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Harry Olivieri, co-inventor of the Philly cheesesteak and co-founder of the Pat's King of Steaks cheesesteak emporium, has died. He was 90.

Despite a heart condition, Olivieri had showed up at the store almost every day until about three years ago.
I don't where the rest of this image went. Half a sandwich, anyone?

Harry and his older brother, Pat Olivieri, were running a corner hot dog stand near South Philadelphia's Italian Market in 1933 when they made the first version of the sandwich that put the city on the street food map.

Tired of hot dogs, Pat suggested that Harry go to a store and buy some beef. Harry brought it back, sliced it up and grilled it with some onions.
The brothers piled the meat on rolls and were about to dig in when a cab driver arrived for lunch, smelled the meat and onions and demanded one of
the sandwiches.

Harry sold the cabbie his in a transaction they counted as the birth of Pat's King of Steaks, named after Pat because he was the oldest.

Cheese Wiz was added to the steak and onions starting in the 1960s, and provolone, American cheese and pizza sauce later became options in the
concoction along with various condiments and side dishes.

Special Alert: Fish in a Pig (off a Stick)

2006-07-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

Omega-3 fatty acids have long been the staple of unspeakably dull tube card advertising. Despite having started at long-copy ads for over-the-counter dietary supplements for countless trips to Heathrow, I still had very little idea of what they did until today. Apparently, these greasy little suckers are found in oily fish, and can help your cardiovascular system.
And for young pigs, they're proving even better - a study out of the University of Missouri (GO TIGERS!) shows that doping a pig with fish oil helps build up its immune system. And, immediately following down that slippery slope is research from the British Nutrition Foundation which shows that pigs fed on fish oil actually produce more Omega-3 in their own fats. Naturally, some Australians are jumping on the bandwagon and checking what happens to people who eat pigs who eat fish oil. We're all waiting with bated breath to see the impact of thrice-digested fatty acids... (I'm hoping it's the power to fly).

Accessories and Inedibles: Pig on a Pig at a Pig on a Stick

2006-07-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Always dress to impress. It makes the food feel appreciated.

Official Kansas City T-Bones Baseball Caps are available from the team website. The one in the photo is the Ultra-Old-Skool-Retro-Throwback-Version, in that, it came out a couple years ago, and they don't sell it any more. The new ones are equally nifty.

The Pig t-shirt is by Good at Magic and is available from selected stockists in London or directly from the designer's website. You can't see the Peek-a-Belly(tm) on the inside of the shirt - it's a lengthy ode to the glory of pork.

The lady is a one-off design.

More people should wear more meat.

Sauces and Sides: Sauce on a Pig on a Stick

2006-07-18T06:34:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore Contribution to the weekend hog roast was a pot of home-made barbecue sauce, lovingly constructed for the occasion. Sweating up the diners with an spicy sauce seemed unnecessarily cruel during the height of summer, so we wanted a sweet sauce, with just the tiniest kick to it.

Plus, as a tip for pragmatic sauce-construction: If you're pressed on time, go sweet, not hot. Hot sauces need more simmering time to fully integrate the flavors, else you just wind up with an unpleasant afterburn. Sweet sauces get smoother flavors faster.

After a few hours of kitchen alchemy, we built a sauce that somehow tasted of pineapple (despite nothing fruity even co-existing in the Carnivore Kitchen).

Phantom Pineapple Pig Sauce
Passata (two liters)
Molasses (about 2.5 cups)
Brown sugar (about a 200g bag)
Mustard seed (three tablespoons)
White vinegar (a half cup)
Rum (dark) (a half cup)
Worcestershire Sauce (a half cup)
Lemon juice (a half cup)
South African chili sauce (a half cup)
Juice of two limes
Yellow pepper (3, diced)
Onion (2, medium, white, diced)
Jerk seasoning (a shortcut, I know...) (about a tablespoon)
Garlic (4 cloves, pressed)
Take everything from the first list - all the liquids and seasonings - and bring to a simmer on the stove. Stir occasionally. Dice the pepper and the onion finely. Combine the result in a large frying pan with garlic in a tablespoon of oil. Toss in the jerk seasoning, and saute until the onions soften. Mix the veggies in with the sauce. Simmer for two hours - it takes a while to reduce. Chill and serve cool.
Had I remembered to bring home the blender, we would've puree-ed it midway through the cooling period. However, I didn't, so it was still a bit textured (i.e. lumpy). (Oops)

Species: Pig on a Stick

2006-07-18T01:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, the I attended a pig roast in Brixton.

The set-up was daunting, and I spent several hours listening to the hosts regale me with the difficulties of roasting a pig in the metropolitan area.

A dedicated team had spent the day before constructing a spit (seemingly out of unused industrial shelving) and digging a shallow grave for the coal. Then, on the day of the roast, they were tasked with hauling a 30 kg pig across London. It was well-wrapped - so they were able to borrow the use of a friend's car, which I found somewhat disappointing - the idea of hauling a massive dripping carcass on the tube... Alas.

The results were impressive. Although it slow-roasted for twelve hungry hours (twelve hours of cold lager and sunshine...), the meat was juicy and tender. The crackling formed nicely, although, as with most crackling, you had to eat it immediately before it turned into slate.

A few tricks that I learned:

- Slow is good - and have munchies out so you don't feel pressured (by the crowd or your own stomach) to take it off too quickly.

- Ed (the host) made a basting brush out of basil leaves, and basted hourly (lightly) with a mixture of oil and piri piri sauce. Don't overbaste or you'll de-crackle the crackling.

- Wrap the ears, snout and tail in foil. It probably won't stay on for the whole day's cooking, but it helps keep the 'sensitive bits' from charring.

- A 30 kg pig feeds a lot of people. A whole lot.

Ed's Maximum Meat Feast
Primary ingredient: Pig (one - gutted and spiked)

Then:

Juice of two lemons
Twelve cloves of garlic
Orange juice (half cup)
Salt (2 tablespoons)
Pepper (2 teaspoons, fresh ground)

Rub the above marinade into the inside of the body cavity (Ed adds that 'gloves are for pussies').

Then stuff the cavity with:

8 Cox's apples (cut in half)
6 limes (cut in half)

And sew closed.

Place your pig on your spit.

Set the spit at a height so that you can hold your hand comfortably over the coals for 8-10 seconds, but no longer.

Give it a quarter turn every quarter hour for nine hours. Rub with salt and pepper two-thirds of the way through cooking time.

Lower towards the end, in order to get the crackling.

Check with a meat thermometer in the thickest part of the haunch towards the end, to make sure that the meat is at 70-degrees Celsius.

Accessories and Inedibles: The Grape

2006-07-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

A hard drinker, being at table, was offered grapes at dessert.

'Thank you,' said he, pushing the dish away from him, 'but I am not in the habit of taking my wine in pills.'

- Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste
(Image from Briar Press)

Field Experience: eBay

2006-07-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

Anyone ever try this?

Mostly seems to be jerky and (weirdly)salmon, but the steaks seem to be selling very well...

Field Experience: The Chicago Chop House [IL]

2006-07-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

The photo says it all. Gorgeous 64 oz porterhouse, flanked by a two-pound lobster tail, surrounded by hearty vintage reds. And referred to, nonchalantly, as the children's menu.

In a city that takes meat more seriously than human life, the Chop House is the traditional center of carnivorous excellence.

The restaurant prides itself on simplicity and focus. According to the chef, Bill Farrahi, 'There are only a handful of steaks you can put on a steakhouse menu. The only variables are the portions and the way you present them. Basically, our menu hasn't changed since we opened. We have approximately 11 steaks and 8 seafood items.'

The Chop House competes, and succeeds, with this streamlined menu by ensuring absolute quality in everything they serve, overseen (and served) by experts in gratuitious consumption. No subleties in menu or decor, just simple (and massive) cuts of extremely high-quality beef.

Chicago Chop House
60 West Ontario Street
Chicago, Illinois
60610-0483
(312) 787-7100

Species: Locavore

2006-07-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

When did we undergo the moral shift away from chain restaurants?

Less than fifty years ago, going to McDonald's was hearty family fare. Affordable food for all the family, and, hey Big Business was good for the economy. Now, although the menu hasn't changed - and, if anything, the franchising model has made fast food even more 'local' - it's suddenly a vaguely-defined 'immoral' act to eat a Whopper.

I'm no exception. Although I find the term 'locavore' abhorrent, and the frilly language of the thinly-disguised advertorial below distasteful, I still feel better about eating a hamburger from a one-off shop than a chain - even if that shop is run by a pedophiliac serial killer, and McDonald's is one of the largest corporate donors to charity in the world. McDonald's might be an extreme example, but, think of T.G.I. Friday's - most thoughtful, semi-liberal yuppies would rather eat their own spleen, but their food? It's pretty good...

Perhaps this is just a plea to keep the argument for local suppliers based on rational reasons, as opposed to vaguely-defined emotional ones. And proper rational reasons as well - like taste - not, for example, the surreal claim below that local food is 'more nutritious'.

We're all familiar with the terms herbivore, carnivore, and omnivore. But have you ever heard of the term “locavore?”

Locavore is a newly coined term to describe people committed to eating food that is grown locally. Their reasons are many, including environmental concerns, social and economic issues, sustainability, nutrition, and flavor preferences. Locavores, like the rest of the population, also enjoy eating out.

According to Eric Stenberg, national chair of The Chefs Collaborative, an organization promoting local foods and a sustainable food supply, “More and more consumers are recognizing the importance of a healthy local food supply and are, therefore, looking for these items when they go out to eat.”

“Eating locally produced food definitely keeps the money within the community and helps to connect the consumer to the farmer.” Stenberg said. “There is a great value in having a connection to your source of food. Local food is also fresher and very nutritious. There's no need to harvest until the optimal ripeness since you don't have to worry about transporting it over great distances.”

Ultimately, consumer demand will determine the success of restaurants committed to serving locally grown foods. With rising concerns among consumers about the globalization of the food supply, many people are expressing a desire to return to a diet of foods produced more locally. As this population expands, the restaurants responding by offering local cuisine will undoubtedly find themselves busy.
The Prairie Star, Montana, Wednesday, July 5

...and a couple links on finding local food (although, again, both of them make the claim that local food is 'healthier' - is there any substantiation for this?):

Local Harvest

Food Routes

Special Alert: Hot Dog Eating Contest at AvP

2006-07-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

Alien Loves Predator has fun with our national pastime.

Carnivore Hero: America's Beef Producers

2006-07-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

In a time of uncertainty, when Commie Pinko Leftie Liberal Homosexual Minority Vegans are questioning America's Traditional Caloric Values, it's good to see that some champions of artery-clogging goodness are still in the field - tilting at tofu windmills.

Paul's comment below reminded me of the iconic 'Where's the Beef?' campaign for Wendy's, which, in turn, reminded me of the equally celebrated 'Beef: It's What's For Dinner' work for America's Beef Producers. Which, naturally, struck me as a stunning post-rationalization for their current ad campaign, which, well, I really, really like.

The full page ads are each paired with a celebrity cook, who, after a few paragraphs of unenjoyable copy, provide a recipe for something MEATY. The ad above comes paired with a dubiously fruity marinade from Iron Mike Ditka, who is clearly doing his best to recoup his masculinity.

1 quart orange juice
1 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup honey
1/2 cup dijon mustard
2 tablespoons chopped garlic
pinch of cayenne pepper

(Whisk and keep chilled until ready to use).

No Meat 'til Monday

2006-07-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore is on a pilgrimage back to the Land of Smoke and Marinade (and, unfortunately, erratic internet access).

Details and updates on Monday, 10th July.

Accessories and Inedibles: Bourbon (Part 3)

2006-06-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

Faithful readers, you can all exhale at this point - the oft-segmented bourbon diatribe is coming to a close.

To recap, as this adventure has more twists than '24', after a drunken evening with Chris Morris, Master Distiller of Woodford Reserve, we've covered off:

- The fundamental differences between bourbon ('Spiderman') and whiskey ('Batman')

- The five basic flavors of bourbon

Now, after boring you senseless with lengthy amounts of useless (except for pub quizzes in backwoods Kentucky) background, we get to the controversial bit - bourbon brands.

Chris had us test four types of bourbon.

A completely impartial bourbon tasting. Brought to you by Woodford Reserve.

All of these are really mid-range bourbons. None of these will ever show up as a house or well bourbon, like Jim Beam - but nor do any of them have ridiculous flowered crests on top, and a £50 price tag. These are bourbons that won't embarass you at the Savoy, but you can still mix Coke into them for your friends with hairless chests. So, hey, they're useful bourbons.

Wild Turkey fared very poorly in the competitive taste test. This is a bourbon you're proud to order, show off to your friends, and then have a damn hard time swallowing with a straight face. Although it's got a great bouquet - and, frankly, a hell of a brand legacy - the flavor was appalling. The nose was terrific - you get a lot of vanilla and caramel in there, but the flavor was surprisingly spicy and woody, rather than the smooth that you're lead to expect.

Chris Morris pointed out that this is a bourbon that 'pops on your palate'. Which is an exceedly friendly way of saying that it plays ping-pong with your tonsils. It's sharp and it's slightly overproof. Not great.

Buffalo Trace did better, but not by much. Whereas Wild Turkey I actively disliked, Buffalo just tasted cheap. It's got an unusually high amount of corn in it, which makes it a bit smoother, but also seems to sap out the distinctiveness. It's got almost no smell at all, and very little flavor. My sensitive-palated companion was able to pick up something, but said it 'tasted like the smell of wet earth'. Not a selling point - our drink tastes like badger musk!

I've always been partial to Maker's Mark. And now I'm a tiny bit embarassed. I see, they're currently running an advertising campaign based vaguely on the idea that they dip their bottles in wax. They'd fare better selling it as dipped in sugar. Especially in the company it kept during the taste test, Maker's tastes like candy.

Nothing subtle about it - 'smells like sugar, tastes like sugar' (quoth my companion on the eve). Chris told us this stems partially from the lack of rye in the underlying mash. But mostly from, well, loads of sugar.
Possibly the single best thing I discovered on the night - Maker's Mark and crispy bacon. Honestly. Sip the Maker's and then crunch some bacon over the aftertaste. It's like when you sprinkled brown sugar on frying bacon as a kid (or as a student... or... now...)

Finally, Woodford Reserve. Honestly, since they sponsored the evening, there's absolutely no way to feign journalistic integrity. But, I'm not a journalist. It's a damn good whiskey. We've been ordering it for a while, as the 'poshest of the readily-available' bourbons, and it's nice to see that the sentiment was justified. It's not the smoothest or the sweetest - I think if I were drinking for a whole night out, the Maker's would win - but it's got a very unusual dryness and spiciness that all of the others lacked. You can tell you're drinking something complex, but it doesn't go sailing over your head. There's a bit of orange in there, and, even at the high proof, it doesn't burn like a couple of the others.

Thoughts?

Species: In-N-Out Burger

2006-06-27T05:32:00.000-07:00

There's always something going on with this enigmatic West Coast burger chain. Either they're printing Bible quotes on their wrappers or they're hinting about a secret menu or something else, equally bizarre.

Still, they're the best chain burger in the US (and by extension, the world?) and the Carnivore has formed at least one solid friendship based on a shared prediliction for picking the cheese-fused onions off of the wax paper.

And, now, bucking the national trend against food poisoning, they're serving their burgers rare.

Big thanks to A Hamburger Today for one of the best journalistic scoops of the new millennium.

Special Alert: The State of the Cheesburger Union

2006-06-26T00:42:00.000-07:00

Cheeseburger couplings match 2 favorites
Friday June 23, 12:07 am ET
By Bruce Horovitz, USA TODAY

Cheeseburger purists: Cringe now.
The cheeseburger is flipping off the grill this summer.
It's being stuffed into egg rolls and plopped atop salads at Bennigan's; layered on pizzas at Uno Chicago Grill; and - for the strong of stomach - crammed between Krispy Kreme doughnut halves at one stadium.

All in the name of making the nation's most popular entree seem new, again. Burgers have been the top entree order for 28 years, says Harry Balzer, trends watcher at NPD Group.

So, why not fuse 'em with other favorites? "If you can mix two favorites, the combination is more pleasurable than any one - as long as it's
not grotesque," says Steven Witherly, a food scientist.

Recent cheeseburger pairings:

Cheeseburger egg rolls. A promotion by Bennigan's Grill & Tavern of this $6.99 appetizer sizzled, so it gets a permanent menu slot in July, says Clay Dover, vice president of marketing. It is stuffed with ground beef, cheese, pickles, onions and mustard, and deep fried.

Cheeseburger pizza. Uno Chicago Grill launched a Bacon Cheeseburger Deep
Dish Pizza, topped with 6 ounces of grilled ground beef, pickles, mustard and ketchup. Locations are selling about 30 a day, "an unbelievable number for a new item," says CEO Frank Guidara.

Cheeseburger doughnuts. The Gateway Grizzlies, an independent baseball league team in Sauget, Ill., started selling "Baseball's Best Burger" this month: a $4.50 cheeseburger with two strips of bacon grilled between a sliced Krispy Kreme doughnut. (The glazed sides are flipped to the inside for less mess.)

It comes to the plate with 1,000 calories and 45 grams of fat, but the Grizzlies are selling 150 a game, says team spokesman Jeff O'Neill. "People ask us what to put on it," says O'Neill. "We like to think it doesn't need anything."

Cheeseburger tacos. Five kinds of $6.99 Cheeseburger Tacos are sold at Tin Star, a Dallas chain that has copyrighted the name, founder Rich Hicks says.

Cheeseburger fingers. These deep-fried cheeseburger sticks, sold as appetizers in bars, restaurants and supermarkets, were created by Advance Food.

Cheeseburger salad. Bennigan's tried a $7.99 cheeseburger salad, but it didn't make the cut. "Maybe it was a little 'out there' to sell a salad with a cheeseburger on top," says Dover.

An idea so "out there" it died in Bennigan's test kitchen:
Cheeseburger Cones.

Special Alert: Hunger Str...oh, it's over.

2006-06-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

I miss my lawyer, but it was meatloaf night!

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Saddam Hussein ended a brief hunger strike after missing just one meal in his U.S.-run prison, a U.S. military spokesman said Friday.

The former Iraqi leader had refused lunch Thursday in protest at the killing of one of his lawyers by gunmen, but the spokesman said he ate his evening meal.

Former Saddam aides being held in the same prison had refused to eat three meals since Wednesday evening but ended their fast with the ex-president.

"They all took their dinner meal," the spokesman told Reuters.

Species: The $124.50 Burger

2006-06-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

BOCA RATON, Fla. - A hundred bucks might buy you more than six dozen burgers from McDonald's, but the swanky Old Homestead Steakhouse will sell you one brawny beef sandwich for the same price.

Boca Raton Mayor Steven Abrams could barely speak between bites as he devoured the 20-ounce, $100 hamburger billed as the "beluga caviar of
sandwiches."

"Heaven on a bun," restaurant owner Marc Sherry said.

The burger debuted Tuesday at the restaurant in the Boca Raton Resort
and Club, where a membership costs $40,000 and an additional $3,600 a year.

"We've never had a hamburger on our menu here so we really wanted to go to the extreme," Sherry said, calling it "the most decadent burger in the world."

At about 5 1/2 inches across and 2 1/2 inches thick, the mound of meat is comprised of beef from three continents — American prime beef,
Japanese Kobe and Argentine cattle.

The bill for one burger, with garnishing that includes organic greens, exotic mushrooms and tomatoes, comes out to $124.50 with tax and an 18 percent tip included. The restaurant will donate $10 from each sale to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Accessories and Inedibles: Bourbon (Part 2)

2006-06-22T01:20:00.000-07:00

In our last episode, we discussed the contrasting origins of whiskey and bourbon, but not their respective virtues. With genuine respect to both parties, it's really a bit like comparing apples and oranges, or Marvel and DC.

Your friendly, neighborhood, 51%+ corn Spider-man.

If bourbon is Marvel's Spider-man - perky, straightforward and sometimes a bit sweet (not to mention all the excellent team-up potentials), then whiskey gets DC's darker, more mutable Batman - who changes subtley with every writer.

I'm Batman. I age very slowly, and in a cold climate.

Not to say that bourbon can't have it's little subtleties. After introducing us an overview of bourbon Chris Morris proceeded to define the discrete tastes within the drink. He had a terrific visual, which, unfortunately, I've had to recreate by hand below.

As you can see, bourbon has five distinct flavors: sweet, fruit, spice, wood and grain.

The sweet comes from the flavor of the barrel char - the burned interior of the barrel that the alcohol ages in. Although Woodford Reserve uses the thickest char of any bourbon, it's still not the sweetest of the ones we sampled. That prize went to Maker's Mark.

The spice flavors vary - we were introduced to the concepts of vanilla, tobacco, toffee and a host of others. Not dissimilar to whiskey, in a way, although I believe 'smokey' (one of the dominant whiskey options) was left off the list.

The wood flavor also comes from the barrel. Although all bourbons are aged in oak barrels - Chris pointed out that there are many types (regional) and ages of oak. Plus, of course, barrel quality. Another virtue of Woodford Reserve is that it uses a new barrel every time - none of that underhanded barrel-recycling going on here...

Although all bourbons have corn as the majority of their base (see Spidey, above), the remaining grain also influences the flavor. Maker's Mark, for example, has no rye in it - making it a much lighter drink. Buffalo Trace has a similar approach, upping the percentage of corn even higher, to make it a milder drink.

Finally, the fruit flavor, which comes out of the fermentation process. As all that sugar ferments in the Kentucky heat, you can get a variety of sweet, fruity flavors. Also, any flavor from the water that's added generally falls into this category.

Enough... I'll cover off the bourbons we sampled next time.

Up, up and away.

Carnivore Hero: This Bear

2006-06-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

A polar bear swims under water during the opening of a new pool for the bears in the Budapest's Zoo on June 8, 2006 (REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh)

Accessories and Inedibles: Bourbon (Part 1)

2006-06-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

Bourbon - at least, when not in Jack-n'-Coke form - is a relatively new proposition to the British Isles. However, judging by the number of swank London bars that are starting to carry the nicer labels, this situation is about to change.

For carnivores, however, bourbon plays a larger role. Bourbon and BBQ goes together well - both as a flavorsome ingredient and as an ingredient in most classic Southern cocktails. So, when the chance came to hear Chris Morris, the Master Distiller for Woodford Reserve, the Carnivore leapt.

So, on the hottest day of the year bearing down upon them, a damp Carnivore and a patient Zeev arrived at Harvey Nichols...

Morris was a passionate speaker, with a warm Southern accent - as well as master of that peculiar trick where he can wear a jacket and tie in overbearing humidity without looking like a drowned rat.

Probably the main interest, given the crowd of predominantly British food journalists (and one small table of half-drunk Carnivores), was the difference between bourbon and (Scotch) whiskey.

Fortunately, Morris was equally keen to expound on this point:

All whiskeys – bourbon, Scotch, Irish – share a few points of commonality. They’re made from grain, they’re distilled below 190 proof, they age in oak containers and they’re generally bottled at 40% or higher ABV.

Within that, bourbon differentiates itself in several ways:

In all bourbons, the primary grain (51%+) is corn.
Bourbon is always double-distilled (triple, for Woodford Reserve, Morris added), and generally around 160 proof – giving it more flavour.
Bourbon ages in charred barrels – this makes it sweeter, thanks to the sugar from the charred oak.
Whilst in the barrel, bourbon goes up in alcoholic content – unlike Scotch, which goes down. This is purely because of the climate – Kentucky = hot. Scotland = cold. Go figure.
Some whiskeys include caramel coloring in the water when they’re bottled, bourbon never does.
The other difference with the water is regional – bourbon country (Kentucky) has a high amount of limestone in the water, which also adds to the flavour.

Enough for Part One - stay tuned for the subtle taste differences between the posher bourbon brands, as expressed, and annotated, by the utterly inebriated.

Species: BBQ

2006-06-16T01:27:00.000-07:00

Proper barbecue is a purely American tradition.

What the British and Australians call 'a barbecue' is merely grilling - the process of putting a piece of meat on top of an open flame. It tastes delicious, but it's not barbecue - that is, it isn't based on the obssessive and lengthy ritual of marinading, smoking, spicing and grilling. (Korea comes close, but, again, it's just marinaded meat on a wacky looking grill)

Of the tradition, there are various geographic subsets:

Texas (Dry-rubbed, mesquite-smoked/grilled, primarily beef)
Southern (Heavy, sweet sauces, primarily pork)
Carolina (Dry-rubbed, heavily-seasoned, primarily pork)
Chicago (Heavy, sweet and sour sauces, all sorts of meat - including chicken)
Kansas City (Emphasis on smoking the meat, heavy sauces, beef and pork)
Everywhere Else in the Country (Don't ever eat it)

My Kansas City-bias aside, these oversimplifications aren't all bad. Most regions have a distinct style, and a preferential dish. For example, Texans picked up much of their BBQing techniques from Mexico, and the mesquite-smoking is an unavoidably geographic feature. Chicago BBQ developed with rich sauces, because, despite the meat-packing district, the access to the nicer cuts of meat was entirely limited. As a bonus, if you're looking for small, nibbly bits of BBQ, Chicago can't be beat - they've mastered the art of chicken wings.

If you needed to eat one thing in each region, it would be a Texan steak, a Southern sandwich, Carolina pulled-pork, Chicago wings and Kansas City ribs. And again, everywhere else in the country? They can ship in the beer.

Special Alert: Meat - You're Meant to Eat It

2006-06-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

LONDON - Children inherit their taste for meat and fish but when it comes to vegetables and desserts it’s more nurture than nature, according to a study on Wednesday.
Scientists who compared the food preferences of identical and fraternal twins found that some tastes are inherited while others are acquired.

I am your DNA! You shall obey me!
“This is the first study to include significant numbers of protein foods and the first to show a high heritability for these,” said Professor Jane Wardle of the charity Cancer Research UK.
The report discovered that a liking for high protein dishes such as beef, lamb, fish and chicken was hereditary. By contrast, a dislike of vegetables and puddings was more likely to be subjective and the result of external environmental factors. But girls are more likely to like vegetables than boys, it was stated. (Full Story)

Special Alerts: Fellow Carnivores...

2006-06-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

And, in the spirit of spicy love, the Carnivore Project would like to give big fuzzy love to a few of our recent visitors:

- Biohistorian and author, Mark Whitaker dropped by (less than enthused about the perjorative label of 'left-wing nut').

- And we've picked up a very strange hypertext connection from Robert Frenay, in his online book, Pulse.

- And finally, Paul, a martial artist and fledgling member of the blogging Illuminati, lured in from Life in the Middle. Check out the recent interview with full-fledged internet Illuminatus, Russell Davies.

Sauces and Sides: Worcestershire Sauce

2006-06-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore was exposed to a new hamburger recipe over the weekend.

Alas, the dedicated, scientifically-credible taste test between corn- and grain-fed cattle was forced to the side, as the Carnivore was delicately forced to try someone else's hamburger marinade. The grill, naturally, stayed in my strict domain (Foreman or not, I ain't budging). But being hip-checked off the marinade - oooh. It burns.

Still, it's hard to complain too much - they were good burgers, if they tasted like, well, Worcestershire Sauce. Although I know this is a common thing for some recipes, this is the first I've been exposed to it. The flavor is very pungent, and, although it feels like the bulk of the vinegar element flares off during grilling, you're left with a very distinct after-taste. In general, I prefer the dominant taste of meat to be, well, meaty. Especially with something fatty and full-flavored like a hamburger, to have the distinct aftertaste of anchovy-laden sauce...

The spiciness, however, is a really solid addition. And the unique tang of the sauce is another positive. So the jury is still out. Like Marmite, it could be an acquired taste, so I'm working to acquire it. Despite my many misgivings, I've given free license to try a Worcestershire-infused steak sometime this week, so stay posted...

Zeev's Sinister Marinade:
Worcestershire sauce
Garlic salt
Pepper

Special Alert: Meat Bandits!

2006-06-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

ATLANTA -- Several hundred pounds of meat was stolen from a Gwinnett County outreach program meant to help the homeless. Now, the Quinn House is scrambling to find other means of feeding hundreds of people they help everyday.

The incident happened just one day before National Hunger Awareness Day. Authorities say whoever stole the meat, stole about $1,000 worth of food and the food manager says it was probably someone they tried to help.

Joe Guzzo, the manager at the Quinn House, says someone stole about 600 pounds of meat out of two freezers.

“Pork, chicken, hamburger, catfish – a little bit of everything – some flounder, deer meat – we had a variety in those 2 freezers,” says Guzzo.

Bastards.

Species: Corn-fed vs. Grain-fed

2006-06-09T04:34:00.000-07:00

There's been some debate recently over the value - nutritional and ecological - of grain-fed beef.

Despite the less glamourous sounding name, the advocates of grain-feeding claim that their product is better tasting and more ecologically sensitive. Corn-fed beef, as it's not their natural diet (although there ain't much natural about the cow...), leads to uncomfortable cow tummies and increased bovine flatulance. Again, your burger - source of global warming.

Ecological issues aside, the taste argument is difficult to maintain. I remember being raised on the mantra that 'corn-fed' beef tastes better. Rather than easily admit that my steak-eating childhood was a horrible lie, I've commissioned some strenuous research on the topic.

Interestingly, there's Colorado State study saying that 80% of consumers believe corn fed beef has better flavor. The appendix details their taste test, and, critically, it doesn't appear to have been done blind.

This is particularly critical in the corn-fed vs. grain-fed test, as both the protractors and the detractors of corn-fed cattle agree on one simple fact: corn-fed beef has more marbling.

John Robbins, on the negative side, agrees that corn-fed beef looks better - again, because of the added marbling - but that the marbling is a result of indigestible saturated fats, and we're all better off without them anyway.
The 'industry' associations certainly agree on the superior marbling, but conveniently leave off the saturated fats argument.

What's a Carnivore to do? Over the Slashfood thread that started the whole messy debate, a recent post from a butcher's disciple says that marbling is clearly linked to flavor.

Again, anecdotal evidence.

So, following the mantra that when the evidence is inconclusive, make up your own, watch this space for the results of this weekend's taste test... Your Carnivore, Working for You.

Species: Wolf

2006-06-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

Another parasitic selection from the Perry Bible Fellowship.

Species: Christian

2006-06-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

KIEV, Ukraine - A lion killed a man who climbed into its enclosure at the Kiev zoo, police said Monday.

The lion attacked the 45-year-old Ukrainian late Sunday after he used a rope to climb down into an enclosure with four lions, said police spokesman Volodymyr Polishchuk.
Ukrainian TV channel NTN broadcast interviews with witnesses who said the man told them that he believed God would not allow the lions to hurt him.
Polishchuk said the man, who was not identified, was acting aggressively and one of the lions seized him by the throat. The man died at the scene.
Zoo officials could not immediately be reached for comment.

Species: Footballer

2006-06-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

Random puff piece on the World Cup website, detailing the players' collective need for good home cookin'.

The whole thing is saved by an entertaining look at the life of the Swedish team chef (who is, apparently, the only person that worldcup.com could find for an interview):

Mats Brostrom, the Sweden team chef, says that making players feel comfortable during a long tournament is crucial and this extends to the food on their plates. "It's very important that they feel good and that they feel like at home, so they get the food that they are used to," he
tells FIFAworldcup.com. "So I am like a mamma in the kitchen," he adds with a laugh.

And apparently, those wacky Swedes crave meatballs. And more power to them.

Although, as another team might mention, you may want to avoid the lasagna...

Special Alert: Grab the Grub!

2006-06-02T01:40:00.000-07:00

A possible explanation for obesity:

All nutrition lessons are really, really dull.

Unfortunately, this 'game' on the BBC site is no different. I haven't entirely figured out how it works, nor do I know how exactly I 'win' (although I suspect it may involve broccoli).

I keep running out of time in aisle 4 (fresh and frozen meats). And, worryingly, no matter how many steaks I put in my shopping basket, it only shows one. One steak? Why that's barely breakfast...

Species: Squirrel

2006-06-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

You'd never believe this article comes from San Francisco - this sort of bloodlust (especially for cuddly widdle squirrels) seems a purely Southern thing. Alas, poor tree-rat, even the last stalwarts of liberalism have betrayed you now...

In front of me, in the skillet, lies the squirrel. My hunting buddies and I have just doused it with a batter of Bud Light and Mrs. Dash, and the meat is starting to sizzle. Earlier this morning I helped kill this animal. I crept through the Maine woods, my face smeared with camouflage paint, my clothes spritzed with doe urine, firing a pellet gun into the treetops. Later I helped butcher it by moonlight on the shore of Moosehead Lake. When we splayed its legs, its skin tore with the sound of elastic ripping; the intestines unfurled like streamers; its testicles snapped off like peas. Now I stab a piece of thigh meat with a plastic fork and chew. The flesh is slippery, gamy — and the first meat I've eaten in 16 years. With this squirrel, my journey as a modern eater has come full circle: I know what it's like to scavenge, kill, cook, and eat a meal for myself.

Special Alert: Steak Day - Today!

2006-05-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore is putting his money (and lots of it, I'm afraid...) where his mouth is, and will be dining heartily at the Top Floor of Smith's of Smithfield tonight.

I spent the Bank Holiday Monday listening to their hold music at every opportunity and their online booking service was down this morning - but, fortunately, a table was still available. Leading me to believe that Steak Day is not yet being celebrated as much as it ought...

The originators of Steak Day - the folks at Slashfood - seem to have a virtual fun-fair of steaky features planned for the day. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled. Helps build the dramatic tension before I cut into tonight's meal.

A warm thanks to Spittoon Extra for adding the Carnivore Project to their blogroll. The Project has also now appeared on the delightfully named Food Porn Watch list. Next stop, Hollywood.

Special Alert: Steak Day, May 30th

2006-05-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

Slashfood, a foodblog that dwarfs the humble Project, is declaring May 30th (30 May for fellow Old Worlders) to be 'Steak Day'.

Clearly, we'll be taking part.

Weather-permitting, we'd all love to be flamin' the beef in South London, but, with our weird perma-drizzly drought going on, it may not be possible. So, off the top of my hungry l'il head, a few top steaks in London:

- The best steak in London is served at Smith's of Smithfield (EC2). No arguments or discussion allowed. If you're feeling flush, take a top floor table, pour yourself another glass of second-mortgage red and cut into the best that they have to offer. With Smithfield Market across the street, Smith's has first crack at the best, freshest meat in London, and they take full advantage of the fact. Also, as a slightly less sanguine sidebar, they've got a spectacular view.

- For traditionalists looking for a gastropub, The Fentiman Arms (SW8) does a delicious ribeye. Especially if it's a cold and drizzly night (what with the British summer - there's a good chance of that), the squashy chairs by the fire can't be beat.

- For a slightly more commerical experience, The Gaucho Grill (7 in London) is a tiny bit overrated, but still serves excellent Argentinian beef. I presume that the vast reputation of this restaurant began during the BSE scares, but can't figure out how it's still so booming during this hey-day of 'go local'. Still, for a sizable (metric) slab of rare meat, they're not a bad choice.

- And, finally, for a big sloppy hunk of flesh, The Popseye Steakhouse (W14) comes very highly recommended, and I've been keen to check it out for a while. Apparently they share the Carnivore belief that the only acceptable vegetable is the potato and are impossible to enter without a reservation. All of which bodes well...

Get cooking or get booking!*

(*Sorry)

Species: Bigger Mac

2006-05-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

McDonald's CEO, Jim Skinner, took advantage of the annual shareholder's meeting to lash out at the anti-really-bad-for-you-food movement. In a moment of heated inspiration, he fought back at all the negative publicity, labelling it 'fiction':

"These days, big equals bad," [Skinner] said at the meeting at McDonald's headquarters in Oak Brook, Ill. "And fiction somehow has become more compelling than fact. You have every reason to be proud of your company, our values and our social responsibility record."

And that pride is well-justified.

As part of the push against the dirty, dirty lies of the salad-munching healthniks and vegan communist indy-movie producing hoi polloi, McDonalds are launching - presumably with the aid of a trebuchet - the Bigger Big Mac.

The not-as-Big Mac.

Aimed to coincide with the World Cup, the Bigger Big Mac (why not just the Bigger Mac?) weighs in at 40% larger than the not-so-Big Mac, and should pack an estimated 700 calorie punch. For those Carnivore loyalists, this is barely good enough to take the bronze - behind, of course, the Stonner and the Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger.

Still, while only a token attempt at the 1000 calorie barrier, McDonalds get some serious credit for standing up to their detractors and saying, 'HEY! We'll make all the gosh darn artery-clogging, kidney-collapsing madness we want!' (or, quite possibly, rapping it). Plus, as part of the McPackage, it seriously packs a calorie wallop - just a conventional Big Mac with shake and fries can top two grand.

Species: Philosophical Chicken (Revisited)

2006-05-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

From today's London Times (submitted by Ian):

Man is the questioning animal. And his primeval question runs: which came
first, the chicken or the egg? As well as being a yolk, this is an issue of theological dispute between Creationists and Darwinians. Now a team of
geneticists, philosophers and poultry farmers claims to have solved it. Genetic material does not change during an animal’s life. Ergo, the bird that evolved into a chicken must have first existed as an embryo inside an egg.

But, with respect, these riddlers are making a category mistake... (full
story)

And, might I add, they taste completely different. Isn't it odd that 'egg' is pretty much the one thing about which we can never say 'tastes like chicken'?

With snazzy wheels like these, no wonder the egg came first...

Special Alert: Play MITSY for Me

2006-05-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

LONGMONT, Colo.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--May 22, 2006--AgInfoLink USA, a privately-held food traceability information solutions provider, has announced the release of their Meat Inventory Tracking System (MITS) 2.0. The MITS software program was developed to enable custom meat packing plants to identify live animals, link them to individual cuts of meat through to point of sale, and to help plants better manage their meat inventory.

"Our company has a very distinct market niche and it's important for us to be able to manage our meat inventory and to substantiate the product claims we make on each product we ship. We needed a traceability system that is flexible enough to track our high-end meats from the live animal to the carcass, to the primal, and then finally to the shipping box. We're very excited about MITS 2.0 and what it can do for our business," said Mike Guest, Manager of Western Prime Meats.

Special Alert: The World's Prettiest Meat

2006-05-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

PETA's annual list of the 'sexiest vegetarians' is back out, headlined by Prince. Anyone else note the irony of thousands of vegetarians, trying to pick the most attractive piece of flesh? No wonder they've chosen someone that looks like he's made from Quorn...

This man does not eat meat.

Remember, fellow Carnivores and reluctant Omnivores - even if they look pretty, their minds have all gone to the dark side. The fact that Prince is 'living' a sort of plasticky immortality proves nothing...

Right then. Look, but don't touch.

Special Alert: Fruititarian

2006-05-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

Entertaining article about an encounter with one of this particularly deranged breed in the 1970's. What a particularly surreal way to live.

According to the column, the fruititarian once stated that, "spiritual progression moved from carnivore to vegetarian, from vegetarian to fruitarian and, finally, to breatharian. If you became pure enough, you would absorb all the nutrients you needed from the air alone. He boasted of a friend who had achieved this final, highest step."

Don't eat me, you monster!

Given that even plants can't live on air alone, that's a fairly impressive trick... But, fortunately, seems to be a Darwinian way of weeding out those that aren't pulling their evolutionarily-mandated mammal-culling duties.

I've also heard them called 'fruitopians', which, at least is a more entertaining word.

Species: Horse

2006-05-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

Although it pains me to use Fox News as a source for anything (besid es, of course, derision), they've got an interesting little AP pick-up about the lucrative world of horsemeat.

Apparently, if you've got the mixed luck of being born a wild horse on the open expanses of gov'mint land, you can be caught, shipped overseas and turned into... well... who knows?

Fortunately for sensitive consumers of fast food meals, the House is at work passing a measure measure banning this practice.

This isn't all roses and song, however, the horse meat industry is kicking up a bit of a fuss.

"We do a pretty darn good job regarding the welfare of the animals that are going to be slaughtered," [an industry consultant] said, failing to perceive the irony whatsoever in his statement.

Species: (The Rest of the) Cow

2006-05-19T02:19:00.000-07:00

An interesting point on the organic movement - a reader in Minnesota wrote in to his local paper complaining about the quality of meat generally available. The columnist, Dara Moskowitz, used this as an excuse for a thoughtful rant on the future of the organic market.

Did you know that local farmers can't raise a whole steer, charge $500 a pound for the tenderloin, and drop the rest of the meat off a bridge? It's true. I learned this from Todd Lein, who, after spending the first part of his career working for the Land Stewardship Project, now works in marketing at Thousand Hills Cattle Company, a business based in Cannon Falls that works with local farmers to sell their grass-fed, sustainably and humanely raised beef. "On a 1,200-pound live steer, you end up with 400 or 500 pounds of meat—2 percent is tenderloin, 40 percent is
ground beef," Todd Lein explains. "If you can't sell the whole animal, you can't stay in business..."

She goes on to delineate a list of local (to Minnesota) farmers that are committed to humane, hideous-chemical free farming, and, equally importantly, which local restaurants are shopping with them. She reveals that one of the biggest supporters of the local farmers is - surprisingly - Chipotle.

Now, I know there are some food snobs out there who think that Chipotle is somehow contemptible because they're partly owned by McDonald's. But this really strikes me as the worst sort of knee-jerk stupidity, like refusing a life raft from someone because you don't like her pants. If you like burritos and you like Minnesota family farmers to thrive while humanely raising free-roaming hogs, what's not to like?

At humane farms in Minnesota, you can't show Vikings' games to the livestock.

With the internet, of course, and the exponential growth of foodies (myself thoughtfully included), the research necessary to find local, organic meat and produce has never been easier. We all know that Borough Market can provide us with happy bacon, but which of our small, local butchers do the same - with less fanfare? Which pubs - or which chains - are doing the right (and tasty) thing - and which aren't?

Special Alert: The Carnivore goes to work...

2006-05-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Richard Reynolds, of Guerrilla Gardening fame, has requested my carnivorous assistance in catering for an upcoming event.

The semi-underground Guerrilla Gardening movement has incredible momentum behind it, and less than a year after its conception, just hit over 900 members (you can find the Carnivore at #213). They've proudly revitalized depressed urban areas in over twenty-five places - from Lambeth to Guantanamo.

Gardeners, hard at work on a barbecue pit for 908 people...

Anyway, more about me.

To celebrate the 1000th member, Richard's hosting a massive event, and your beloved (if slightly nervous) Carnivore will be flamin' the meat for all. Further updates as warranted, but the best way to keep on top of it is to sign up...

Special Alert: Bears 1, Monkeys 0

2006-05-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Definitely not a good day to bring your kids to the zoo. But, on a lighter note, hot dog sales tripled...

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.
The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

Koko meets the Prizzly.

"Of course the habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said.
Witness Marco Berelds posted a detailed report on the incident, including photos, on a Dutch Web site.
The park plans now to move the Barbary macaques — which are large monkeys but often inaccurately called "Barbary Apes" — to another part of the park, it said. (full story)

Species: Sacred Oxen

2006-05-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

PHNOM PENH (Reuters) - Cambodia's sacred oxen have forecast a bountiful harvest but thin rains, leading farmers to call on the government to build more irrigation systems and canals.

At the annual royal ploughing ceremony in front of Phnom Penh's golden-spired palace, the cows ate lots of rice, beans and corn, suggesting "there will be plenty of crops", court astrologer Kang Ken told the crowds on Tuesday.

However, the beasts, who were also presented with golden bowls of water and wine, refused to drink any water, meaning the war-scarred Southeast Asian nation could suffer a year of drought.

A good harvest means you won't need to eat us, right?
Last year, the cows got it spot on with their prediction of an abundant rice harvest. Cambodia produced more than 6 million tonnes of rice for the first time ever.

Special Alert: Always listen to NERPO!

2006-05-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore's new favorite acronym, NERPO (National Emergent Red meat Producers' Organisation), has just released a statement that red meat is good for you.

What's not to like? They come up with spurious health reasons to eat meat AND they're called NERPO!

Nerpo says: Hey kids, always clean your plate!

Lean red meat good for your health, global congress told
By Neesa Moodley, Durban (May 11, 2006)

Increased consumption of lean red meat could help to reduce high blood pressure and the incidence of sugar diabetes, the National Emergent Red Meat Producers' Organisation (Nerpo) said yesterday.

Aggrey Mahanjana, the managing director of Nerpo, was "hugely encouraged" by the finding, which emerged at the World Meat Congress in Brisbane last week.

"These research findings were presented by Meat and Livestock Australia (MLA), and defy the traditional South African thinking that red meat is a leading cause of increased blood pressure levels," he said. The same research showed that naturally produced red meat was a good source of omega-3, a fatty acid nutrient found in high concentrations in fish and fish products. (full article)

Species: Picken

2006-05-10T03:45:00.000-07:00

Clearly the only possible name for a chicken/pig crossbreed. ('Chig' is a bit insectile).

Special Alert: Grilling the World (Part 2)

2006-05-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

Your twin pangs of hunger and guilt can be simultaneously assuaged.

A couple weeks ago, the Carnivore stumbled on an unfortunate study linking the heartier side of our fundamentally omnivorous nature to global warming. After review, there seemed only two options:

1) Ignore it. (Also known as the Reagan Doctrine)

2) Eat your meat as rare as possible (The Wolseley Approach)

An eco-friendly hamburger.

Now, the Carnivore is pleased to see that fast food restaurants - ever the paragons of social responsibility - have been experimenting with making their noble work more eco-friendly. A burger chain in Washington has discovered that the greasy oil that's the byproduct of a successfully fried squirrel-patty can be used as a biodiesel fuel.

And this isn't the only good news - it's not just your standard burger byproduct that's potentially eco-friendly, but almost all cooking oil can be turned into fodder for your hippie-mobile:

Carlo Luri, biofuels manager for Bently Agrowdynamics in Minden, Nev., said that each American uses about 10 gallons of cooking oil a year. He said recapturing just half that amount of oil could trim conventional diesel fuel consumption by 1 percent to 2 percent nationally, along with cutting down on pollution. Diesel fuel accounts for about 24 percent of oil refinery production nationally, according to the American Petroleum Institute.

As always, the American far-West seems to be leading the initiative, with areas like Orange County (not exactly a stronghold for eco-hippies) actively re-capturing the grease from the sanitation system (as opposed to, say, actively re-capturing OJ Simpson).

So, the Carnivore is glad to add a third option to the list - however geographically inconvenient, it's nice to know we can always have a guilt free burger in Washington.

Accessories and Inedibles: Velveeta

2006-05-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

On a particularly lazy Sunday afternoon, I was reading The Physiology of Taste, by Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (back in the days where hyphens were all the rage), and chortling bemusedly at his delightful aphorisms.

One particularly wise saying - A dessert with cheese is like a pretty woman with only one eye. Strangely grotesque. And why the eye? Is that a Biblical reference? Or was there just a thing about one-eyed women in pre-revolutionary France. Come to think of it, in Les Liaisons Dangereuse, Laclos ends the book with a one-eyed pretty woman - is there a connection?While pondering these weighty issues, I inevitably came around to contemplating Velveeta. Has anyone ever seen Velveeta on a cheese plate? Or how about a cheese board, for that matter? How about an alternative, atomic-age cheese board, with Velveeta, Eazy-Cheez and one of those powdered packets you get with Kraft Macaroni & Cheese?

As I return to my contemplation of Brillat-Savarin, I leave you with a question more easily answered:

What do you do with 30 pounds of Velveeta?

Special Alert: UK Censors Debate Vampirism

2006-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

Mattessons carnivorous ad rapped after 61 complaints
Brand Republic 3 May 2006 08:30

LONDON - An ad showing people developing vampire fangs when they see Mattessons Fridge Raiders meat snacks has been banned from being screened before 7.30pm after 61 complaints, many from people whose children were scared by the ad.

The spot, created by Quiet Storm, showed a man standing at a bus stop eating Mattessons Fridge Raiders intently. In the ad, he is unaware that the mouths of the people around him are morphing to reveal fangs, which they bare at him until he happens to look up.

The ad builds on the "brings out your carnivorous side" strategy devised by Quiet Storm for the packed meat brand, which is owned by Kerry Foods....

Species: Roo Revisited

2006-05-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

Another great link (and image) from a fellow carnivore - this one from Richard of Guerilla Gardening fame.

An excuse to revisit our friend the not-australus. Aussie Game Meats has an interactive image of a kangacarcass on their site - click on the meat, get a recipe!

Fun for the whole family!

Field Experience: The Moo Pit [NY]

2006-05-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of Simon, currently exploring New York.

On a vaguely related note, anyone know of any 'moo-ing' ringtones?

Accessories and Inedibles: Salsify

2006-04-28T02:56:00.000-07:00

Whilst perusing the daily menu at St. John (we all have our hobbies...), the Carnivore briefly paused in his obsessive study of the offal to puzzle over the word 'salsify'. Is this a verb? 'Pass me the nachos so I can salsify them'.

The disappointment at discovering it was a vegetable was tempered when I learned that it's a really weird one. Apparently Salsify (tragopogon porrifolius) is also known as 'oyster plant' because of the edible root's faint, oyster-like flavor . Despite this stunningly dubious virtue, it's not particularly popular (apparently it's not grown commercially anywhere in North America due to the lack of demand).

She wanted to tango, but the music was too salsified.

One suggested recipe was based on cubing the salsify root then mashing it and forming the mashed salsify into patties that are then fried. The end result is disturbingly nutritious - a 2/3-cup of salsify, which is approximately 90 grams, contains only 60 calories. You'd have to eat almost ten cups of salsify to get the calories of a Stonner. That's a lot of oyster plant...

(To purchase Salsify in the UK)
(To just go to St John instead)

Species: The Stonner

2006-04-27T04:23:00.000-07:00

Simon, responding to my earlier challenge regarding the Thousand Calorie Barrier, has thoughtfully sent through a news release detailing Britain's Most Dangerous Meal.

The Stonner, the brainchild of Ruby's Chip Shop in Glasgow, not only achieves 1000 calories, but couples that with a stonkin' 46 grams of fat.

How do you build this artery-destroying masterpiece? It's surprisingly easy - wrap a sausage in kebab meat, then batter and deep fry the whole thing. Curiously, the article doesn't mention whether or not the 'nutritional' information includes the mayonaisse. Or, of course, an added slab of cheese (when is that ever a bad idea?).

The picture of the Stonner is surprisingly lackluster, so instead, here's an albino Leopard Gecko:

Don't eat me! I'm illustrative!

Our patterned friend here, weighes in at slim 44 grams. That's right. A Stonner means more than a full GECKOWORTH of pure fat.

Incidentally, in order to burn off the Stonner, you'd have to jog approximately 100 hours (or have vigorous sex for twice that long...preferably not with the unfortunate gecko).

Field Experience: The Pitchfork Fondue [WY]

2006-04-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the sinister Zeev for sending this through.

In the 1960's, when fondue was strangely popular, Darrell and Verna, in the beautiful wilds of Wyoming, decided to take this craze to the next, forbidden level. They scrounged up an enormous cast iron cauldron, a relatively clean pitchfork, several gallons of oil, four steaks and a fire. From this, the Pitchfork Fondue was formed.

'That fourth steak keeps falling off!'

Mostly a treat for friends and family, they took their discovery commercial in 1997, and now the Pitchfork Fondue seats 240 carnivores and has shown up on the Discovery Channel (which, frankly, beats the hell out of Shark Week).

Special Alert: Playoff-Quality Meat

2006-04-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

Edmonton NHL player, Georges Laraque, is for creating a new tradition - a meat toss prior to the Oilers' playoff games. Apparently keen (and wasteful) fans chucked beef onto the ice before a recent game in Detroit, and the Oilers, inspired by the skidding cow particles, skated on to victory.

Frankly, it sounds like a terrible idea - taking prime cuts of juicy red meat and throwing it onto the sweat-stained ice of a hockey rink. Frankly, it's an absolute travesty. Throw one of those frightening ball park frank things instead - that'll at least spare someone having to eat the styrofoam abomination the following season.

Species: Bacon

2006-04-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore was net-stalking his friends and discovered this poetic entry on a personal site. It elegently encapsulates one of the ageless debates of gastronomy.

So, without any further ado, Derek McGrath on bacon:

Is bacon the perfect food? This question is of course rhetorical, because anyone with an ounce of sense knows that it is. But for those who aren't sure, let's look at bacon for a moment, shall we?
No! Let's not!
Bacon can be served at any meal. At breakfast, it is a stand-alone, requisite for any full breakfast meal. Bacon, eggs, and anything. Or, if you want, have it on a breakfast sandwich! It doesn't matter. For lunch, throw it on a sandwich too. Whether it's the simple BLT, or you're adding bacon to a turkey and cheese sandwich, it can only help. At dinner, bacon can rear it's head in many ways. Throw it on a baked potato for a side dish. Put it in alfredo with peas. Add bits of it to a salad. Add it to pizza. Some people even like to add it to steak (a faux pas in my opinion,
because steak should not be messed with). And while it hasn't happened yet as far as I know, I'm waiting for the dessert bacon to show up someplace. I'll be the first to order it. (full entry)

[Also for those that follow Derek's (and my own) Zen-like philosophy on minimalist steak consumption, please refer back to an earlier, equally-scholarly entry on mustard.]

Species: The Texas Longhorn

2006-04-23T04:10:00.000-07:00

Now's your chance to learn about the adventurous life of the Texas Longhorn. On April 20th, PBS launched MooTube.com, possibly the oddest use of webcam technology to date (well, outside of porn - but that's a completely different story - also, potentially involving cattle...).

"The first 24/7 inside look at the daily life of Texas Longhorn" not only includes the use of the wireless 'cow-cam' but also features a host of entertaining bovine extras, including the 'cow of the day feature'.

America's Next Top Moodel

“In the 500-plus-channel-world, we believe this is a ‘bullish’ alternative, especially for those who enjoy grazing,” said a PBS executive in a news release. “Plus, it’s a great way to extend the PBS brand to even greener pastures.”

Special Alert: Grilling the World

2006-04-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

Although the express goal of this site is to 'grill the world', the Carnivore always approached this from a more philosophical standpoint. There are many lovely and loving furry, fuzzy, leathery and occasionally even scaled creatures that, well, should be charred and eaten. Preferably with marinade and the appropriate sauce.

Traitorously, news from the Carnivore's own alma mater now indicates that the Carnivore and other carnivores might be grilling the world literally, as well as...well... literally.

In our diets, we're consuming more than calories, we're also using fossil fuels - therefore aiding the greenhouse effect. So when you compare vegetarians, who masticate most of their inedibles raw, with carnivores, who prefer actual food which generally needs cooking, the former are well on the eco-friendly side of things.

The unfortunate side effect of a ham sandwich...

A couple solutions spring to mind. One popular one, of course, is to ignore it entirely. Another one, potentially equally as ineffective, but slightly more morally empowering, is to eat all of your meat as rare as possible. The Carnivore's friend, The Whippet, recently expressed a desire to subsist purely on steak tartare (preferably cooked, or not-cooked, by the staff at the Wolseley). This would low his fossil fuel consumption to nearly to the same level of those that purely gnaw on roots and tubers.

Why nearly? Well, as those traitorous researchers point out, cow poop (and the methane from bovine flatulence) is an additional source of greenhouse cases - so even if you don't cook your meat, it still came from a greenhouse gas producer. Damn.

Species: The Thickburger

2006-04-22T04:02:00.000-07:00

In a distinctly non-classy twist on a classic sandwich, and in their quest to break the 1000 calorie barrier, Hardee's have decided that the future of the cheesesteak was actually to serve one on top of a hamburger.

The new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger features a 1/3 'Thickburger' patty topped with sliced steak (and then cheese and 'vegetables' on top).

"Other restaurants have just topped burgers with cheese, peppers and onions, and called them 'Cheesesteak burgers,' but they didn't taste like a Cheesesteak," said Brad Haley, executive vice president of marketing for Hardee's. "So, when we set out to make a great Philly Cheesesteak burger, we literally put a Cheesesteak on a burger, steak and all."

Alas, the PCTB only hit 900 calories (but then adds a very impressive 63 grams of fat on top of it), so we can probably expect an even more horrifying product innovation to be released in the future.

Hardee's have a very limited presence in London, so the Carnivore is devoid of the meat-on-meat action. If anyone has a chance to try it - please write in before expiring...

Species: Philisophical Chicken

2006-04-15T15:14:00.000-07:00

All the really difficult questions can be answered with meat.

A pair of researchers from the University of Nevada, by studying snakes, have helped prove one, smaller aspect of Darwinian theory - that predators that enjoy eating an adult critter pick up a taste for the unhatched critter as well. That is, they like the taste of chicken, so pick up the habit of eating eggs...

In a new study from the May issue of the American Naturalist, Alan de Queiroz and Javier Rodriguez-Robles (University of Nevada, Las Vegas) test Darwin's theory that many current traits can be explained by the ancestral lineage of a species. For instance, predators that have evolved a taste for a certain prey, can go on to develop a taste for the prey's eggs.

Specifically, the researchers examined snakes that have specialized in eating eggs, finding that, in this case, the chicken came before the egg....

Snakes use chemical cues to recognize prey, and the authors suggest that these snakes may recognize eggs as potential food because of the chemical similarities between eggs and the corresponding animals, just as some insects are attracted to novel food plants that share chemicals with the
insects' typical food sources."
(abstract from the American Naturalist)

Of course, like all issues of importance, this had already been resolved by Dinosaur Comics (fan art, no less).

Special Alert: Carnivore Deathmatch!

2006-04-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

It makes a nifty conversation over peanuts and beer - who would win, badger or wolf, squid or whale, Superman or Mighty Mouse...? And, shockingly, some peanut-crunching, beer-addled professor seems to have applied 'science' to it.

The Carnivore remembers reading a horrible potboiler on a plane once, in which a corrupt TV network set up a deathmatch between a polar bear and a giant shark. It was atrocious, and the name thankfully escapes me. In fact, all I can remember was the heavy-handed moral homily that occurred at the end, when a group of terrorists (either Al Queda or PETA) gunned down the entire affair and the deadliest animal in world was meaningfully declared to be... 'man'.

Truly great literature...

Watching nature documentaries or passing time in bars, people like to speculate on what type of carnivore could beat another in the wild. Now there is an answer, sort of.

University of Wyoming zoology professor Steven Buskirk and graduate student Emiliano Donadio recently completed research on which carnivores are most likely to kill each other and they have a hypothesis about why.

“When people think of predators, they automatically think of prey,” said Buskirk. “But when I think of predators, what I think of is other predators. Kit foxes are killed 70 percent of the time by coyotes, and they don’t eat the meat, so we have to ask why a carnivore would kill another carnivore when they can attack back. What is the point of a brown
bear killing a weasel which is hard to catch, has no nutritional value, and is not competing with the bear for food?”

(full article - from the Laramie Boomerang)

Species: Symbolic Sheep

2006-04-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's Easter season again, and all across the Western world, little Clarice Starlings are seeing the baby sheepses get quietly slaughtered for your table.

Handily, the Seattle Times (twice in two posts! Who knew? And there the Carnivore thought that the West Coast was granola country...), has provided an exhaustive list of the various cuts of lamb, so you can brush up on your anatomical vocabulary. But, if you need more fun-facts than just shank-identification skills:

- The American Lamb Board estimates that 20 percent of U.S. lamb consumption occurs around Easter.

- Spring lamb goes well with 'big red wines', such as Cabarnet-based wines, Bordeaux, Syrah or Chateauneuf du Pape. You should not however, combine wine with the traditional mint jelly. Frankly, the Carnivore is no expert, but even he can see the sense in that one...

- And, finally, according to the 'Minutes with Messiah' column, it's not a sin to not eat lamb at Easter. So those of you digging into a succulent ham (or box of matzah), don't worry...

Carnivore Hero: Brangien Davis

2006-04-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore isn't a huge fan of the independent movie - they generally just go sailing above his fuzzy head - but the fruits of this competition are absolutely riveting. The Seattle Times, in a bid to sponsor fledgling digital film-makers, launched the Three Minute Masterpiece contest.

This first entry, from Brangien Davies, is phenomenal, and absolutely hilarious. Entitled 'an Open Letter to Ham', it details the dramatic fall - a la Paradise Lost - from the heady heights of vegetarianism into the oh-so-tasty, hell of ham-gluttony.

I wanted to portray the struggle of a long-time vegetarian against the many temptations of ham. Based on a true story (my own), I hoped to convey the powerful pull of ham, particularly in the face of an endless parade of hummus sandwiches, veggie burgers, and, regrettably, soy-ham....

Veggie ham tastes nothing — nothing — like real ham. I had been fooling myself for years, convinced that despite its resemblance to a fruit roll-up, my soy-ham was pretty close to the real thing. Having not experienced ham for 15 years, my mouth was an easy mark. "It's ham, it's ham, it's ham," I would insist, choking down an anemic sandwich. But when I was finally reunited with actual, beautiful ham — in the name of my art, of course — my taste buds shouted, "Holy Moses, now THIS is HAM!" (Brangien Davies)

Now, importantly, go see her movie.

Carnivore Hero: B-12

2006-04-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

The Carnivore has a new false idol - vitamin B-12. This recent addition to the family of pseudo-scientific, self-perpetuating health fads is only found in meat. Awesome. For those vegetarians that are tired and run down.... depressed or irritable... or having trouble walking (?!), perhaps they just need a FAT STEAK.

Actually, the Carnivore, despite his nature, isn't such an extreme anti-vegetarian. It's more like... pity. And if this particular new addition to the neo-nutritional canon helps convince them to join the sanguine Light, well, it has my blessing...

Tired and run down? No appetite? Trouble walking? Depressed or irritable?
Such symptoms describe dozens of disorders. Yet many people aren’t tested for
one possible cause: a deficiency of B-12, a vitamin essential to health that is
found in meat and dairy products.
Those vulnerable to potentially serious complications from B-12 deficiency
are senior citizens, strict vegetarians or vegans, bariatric and other
stomach-surgery patients, and people who take certain diabetes, heartburn and
ulcer medicines.... (full article from the Columbus Dispatch)

Special Alert: Don't Buy Stolen Goods

2006-04-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

Three Men Charged In Meat Thefts
April 10, 2006

SALISBURY, N.C. -- Salisbury police have charged two food service employees with stealing more than $293,000 worth of meat and cheese over a six-month period beginning last October.

Salisbury police said the men, Wilbert Thomas Johnson, 34, and Harvey Rayfield Archie Jr., 36, both of Salisbury, stole 5,948 cases of steaks, pork, country ham, cheese and other foods while working at MBM Food Service.

Anthony Eugene Burton, 46, a truck driver from Atlanta, was charged with receiving the stolen property. Authorities said he drove the stolen food to Georgia to sell as damaged goods.

All three men were released on $10,000 secured bond Saturday after they were charged. They have a court hearing Monday in Rowan County District Court. (Charlotte News)

Carnivore Hero: Matthew McConaughy

2006-04-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

Who know the Carnivore would ever type in the phrase above? But apparently the dapper star of countless rom-coms has converted Penelope Cruz from being a staunch vegetarian.

Considering that Cruz has a history of caving into her boyfriends' beliefs, this isn't too much of a shock. But the Carnivore is much more sympathetic to steak than to Scientology.

Oh, and how'd he do it? Apparently, he cooks a 'world-class steak'.

Special Alert: The Death of a Carnivore Hero.

2006-04-05T02:09:00.000-07:00

Hal the Coyote is no more.

According to the New York Post, Hal dropped dead of 'unknown causes' immediately after being caught by the state wildlife officials. Hal's cross-country trek for vicarious pleasure, hounded by the authorities every step of the way, has ended in tragedy - not all that dissimilar to Thelma and Louise.

Currently, the 'unknown causes' could include poison (Hal may have eaten some rodenticide in the park), natural causes (heartworm) or police brutality. The latter option, of course, is attracting some attention from animal rights activists.

Well Hal, however it turns out - here's to you and your merry time in the spotlight. Where you are now, there's no poison, or heartworm, and instead of heavy-handed cops, you'll be accompanied by asthmatic roadrunners. Go play.

(Hal the Coyote: 2004-2006)

Species: Vat Creature

2006-04-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

Just a quick visit to point out an interesting conversation on Yahoo! Answers.

"What is the Colonel's secret recipe for KFC?"

So far, my favorite answer is 'Rabbit'.

KFC, however, takes this all very seriously - apparently a 'leaked' copy of the recipe was once dragged all the way to court in order to silence the evil-doers.

Sadly, the Carnivore's term 'vat creature' has been proved perjorative over time. Urban Legends does a great summary of the legendary accusation that 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' changed to 'KFC' because their product no longer involved poultry. Possibly one of the defining myths of the GMO era - it always conjured to mind vast Matrix-like fields of featherless organic matter, growing in hydroponic vats.

Alas. The world is a poorer place knowing that KFC really does use chicken...

Special Alert: Meatrics

2006-03-31T00:43:00.000-08:00

Some recently published meat metrics from the Food Marketing Institute:

Survey respondents report preparing 4.3 home-cooked evening meals that include a meat item in an average week, with chicken and beef strongly preferred over other meat options. Nine out of 10 (90.1 percent) respondents say they prepare an evening meal with chicken at least once a week, 83.3 percent report using beef, and 57.9 percent use pork.

Shoppers strongly prefer fresh cuts over meat products that are ready-to-eat (such as roasted chicken or barbecued ribs) or ready-to-heat (frozen chicken nuggets or pre-cooked hamburgers). The vast majority (93.4 percent) prepare fresh meat at least once per week, compared with 42.8 percent for ready-to-heat and 34.8 percent for ready-to-eat. Only 2.8 percent say they never purchase fresh meat, while 28.5 percent never purchase ready-to-eat meats and 28.2 percent never purchase ready-to-heat meats.

“American consumers prefer meat with their meals,” said AMI Senior Vice President Janet Riley.

Special Alert: Cowboys vs Puppy-Killers

2006-03-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

At this year's meeting of the National Cattlemen's Beef Association, the traditioanl PETA protesters were greeted by some detractors.

In all fairness, the PETA puppy-drowning scandal is old news, but the Carnivore is tickled to see that it's been resurrected (unlike the puppies) as a form of counter-protest:

To Eat, or Not to Eat Meat: Cattlemen v. PETA's Meaty Display

Three members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals holding signs that read "Meat is murder" came here from Norfolk, Va., to promote their views opposing human taste for meat and to promote vegetarianism.

"If you eat meat, you support cruelty to animals," said Chris Link, PETA's campaign coordinator, who has been a vegetarian for four years.

He said that giving up meat is easy and good for health. "It is just a matter of walking in a different aisle in the grocery store and ordering vegetarian food in restaurants," Link said.

As often happens in a free country, PETA's demonstration was countered by "pro-meat" members from the Center for Consumer Freedom, a nonprofit coalition of restaurants, food companies and consumers that works to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices.They had two large toy puppies with stickers on them reading, "PETA killed me."

They stood within several of PETA members, and gave away anti-PETA brochures to passersby. David Martosko, Consumer Freedom's director of research, said PETA takes animals from shelters and kills them.

"They are a bunch of hypocrites that in fact kill animals," Martosko said.
He said PETA enforces vegetarianism while it is killing thousands of adoptable puppies and kittens. Their activists, he said, were arrested in North Carolina in 2005 after allegedly killing 31 animals and tossing the bodies into a grocery store trash dumpster.

"We are here to make people think twice about PETA," said Martosko.

Species: Buffalo

2006-03-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

The meat clipping service (trimming service?) has brought in an interesting note on buffalo. Once slaughtered to near-extinction - and for hides, not food - SHAME! - bison have made a comeback as a trendy new beef alternative.

As Jeff Tiedman, of the Grand Forks Herald says:

Buffalo meat has a rich, beeflike taste. Nutritionally, it's lower in cholesterol and calories and higher in iron and protein than beef. In fact, buffalo has less cholesterol than chicken with the skin removed or even most fish.

Buffalo also is very versatile. It can be used in a variety of dishes
from stir-fry to stew to pot roast. And with summer just around the corner, don't forget burgers, steaks and kabobs on the grill.

The Carnivore remembers the halcyon days of his youth, when his father (Papa Carnivore) daringly brought home buffalo chuck for dinner. On our creaky, yet potent, charcoal grill, it went from chuck to briquette in about fourteen seconds - a tough sell when everyone in the family demanded medium rare (except for the sanguiphobic Mama Carnivore, but that's a different story).

The Carnivore has revisited buffalo since then, and found it yummy. Like venison, it lacks the fatty marbling that brings the juicy flava (hard to form an 'r' when you're drooling), but still makes for good - if lean- eatin'.

The Tiedman column gives a similar warning - don't nuke the bison. When the noble Indian used every part of the buffalo, they probably used overcooked bison-burgers as dining tables, or, at the least, flatpacked TV-trays.

Tiedman ends on a worthy quote from Jack Peterson, a Minnesota retiree that he cites as a worthy carnivologist. It's applicable not just to buffalo, but to meat, and - dare I say it? - all of life.

"If you overcook it, you just kill it," [Jack] says. "You never make the meat wait for people. You make people wait for the meat."

Special Alert: Communist Vegan Hippies Seek to Brainwash Our Children!

2006-03-29T01:49:00.000-08:00

HANNIBAL, Mo. - Two senators want to ban standardized test preparation materials from a Connecticut company because they say they contain "anti-meat, anti-farmer messages."
Several school districts buy supplies from Queue Inc. of Shelton, Conn., to help their students prepare for the required statewide Missouri Assessment Program test. But Republican Sens. John Cauthorn and Bill Stouffer, who are both members of a trade group for cattle ranchers, say two of the reading comprehension exercises don't belong in the classroom.

One example has students read a passage entitled "Why Be Vegetarian" and then write a letter to their parents about being a vegetarian using facts contained in the reading including:

• Eating meat leads to large amounts of saturated fat consumption and heart disease.
• Grains should be eaten by people.
• Meat is more expensive.
The second example requires students to interpret a poem that includes the passage: "your brain could rot from eating beef, from Mad Cow disease there is no relief."

Cauthorn told the Hannibal Courier-Post that school districts should
be prohibited from using the materials. (full article)

LIES! LIES AND DAMNED LIES! Protect your children from these abominations!

Eating meat leads to large amounts of bliss and unrestrained joy.

Grains should be eaten by people in the form of bread (for sandwiches and underneath a slab of ribs) and batter (for fried chicken).

And meat is more expensive BECAUSE IT'S BETTER.

Special Alert: Two Looks at Meat Advertising

2006-03-28T05:34:00.000-08:00

and

Carnivore Hero: Jan Fabre

2006-03-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

A Belgian artist's latest exhibition is made out of steak, mince and bacon.

Jan Fabre's Temples of Meat exhibition will only be on display for three days - until it goes off, reports De Morgen.

The exhibition, at the Museum of Modern Art in Ghent, includes a coat made of steaks and a tent of bacon with sleeping bags of steak.

Fabre said: "Meat is a very erotic material. A lot of my work is about the cult of decay and death. I also loved to create something that will be destroyed after three days. It's a lesson in modesty for every artist who confesses his love for eternity."

Fabre said he worked through the night with his assistants to turn 100kg of steak, 15kg of minced meat and a few kilometers of Parma bacon into art.

It's not the first time he has worked with meat. In 2000, he covered the columns of the university aula in Ghent with pieces of bacon.

Field Experience: St John Bread & Wine [London]

2006-03-27T04:10:00.000-08:00

Just won the Observer Food Monthly's Best for Cheap Eats.

(A typical Guardian-reader's view of what constitutes 'cheap', but one of my favorite restaurants nonetheless...)

St John Bread & Wine, London
Stylish, spacious bakery and café run by the chap behind St John restaurant in Smithfield, offal-loving Fergus Henderson. Housed in a former bank, Bread & Wine manages a laid-back, friendly atmosphere in a plainly furnished room with soaring ceilings. An all-day menu starts with great-value retro breakfast dishes (think soft roes on toast, £4.80) and just gets better as the day goes on (try the chitterlings with dandelion and mustard, £6.10). All ingredients are seasonal, as you'd expect from one of the pioneers of the British food renaissance, and dishes come with Henderson's trademark fondness for the quirky. Artisanal bread and a fine selection of wines are available to take home.

The Carnivore has little to add to this, except for an undefinable feeling of warmth and joy. The restaurant smells of warm bread, has an ever-shifting menu throughout the day to keep the happy diner on their toes and wraps it all up with really friendly service ('We're out of ketchup, so we made you some').

Also, if you're not up to start your day with chitterlings (and, frankly, who is?), the morning menu always features the Best Bacon Sandwich in Britain (capitalisation and praise courtesy of moi, not the restaurant), as well as a surprisingly tasty oatmealy yoghurty bollocks concoction.

Not actually made with real bollocks (you can never tell with Fergus Henderson), it's just a waste of an order with the BBSiB on the menu...

St John Bread & Wine
Spitalfields
London E1
020 7247 8724

The Carnivore's Bite: Fergus can clearly do no wrong.